untitled nine

"What is the chain that binds me? How was the chain made with which the Fenris wolf was bound? It was wrought from the sound of a cat's paws walking over the ground, from women's beards, from the roots of rock, from the nerves of bears, from the breath of fishes, and the spittle of birds. And thus I, too, am bound ina chain formed of dark imaginings, on unquiet dreams, of restless thoughts, of dread presentiments, of inexplicable anxieties. This chain is 'very supple, as soft as silk, elastic under the highest tension, and cannot be broken in two.'"

the swimmer cant remember who wrote it ah...was cheever, yes, i read it and today it returned via burt who was sandwiched between a sanitary pad commercial with channels to catch the blood i suppose though they didnt say that ...yet i know a mother who cant talk to her daughter about an infection id rather you dad the daughter says and how to reply to that...

the other one, she, she who has flirted so young with death and suicide and men has no idea how to swim home or perhaps what even is a home but me, me i remember what there was with father mother and brother christmas each year and vacations high school with only some of the problems exposed to... what sprang from me mine but they are not mine any more now they belong to themselves have gone from then but i remember when the oldest came running down the stairs shouting half in fear to tell me that she was bleeding that her period had come and though i never said so i was grateful to have been there... and the youngest born with blue feet until it was explained to me in fear as footprint residue how also proud and grateful to have been part of that.

but wives ah wives that one often left me late at night and i never saw it coming but it came so quiet and hurt so much the realization that what was thought was not but something else and the children ah, they hurt, so much because they never learned to hide that pain like me this swimmer poor man crushed by so much pain but never never me... he wasnt so strong i think at least so far im stronger, but who knows what later times will bring who knows will i be stronger than that swimmer?

and me you say, marine corpsed copper mined have sold my blood and danced high drunk in san francisco then crawled and begged for food and toasted bread by candle fire can do these things you know when no one else was watching... the children think their time is all, that i have no more to teach, to give but this is false theres much to give to show but they dont want what wasnt given then...

now? now theyll never see til death takes me far too far from them, too bad...for them, or me? but i never fear the knowing that it was my fault this darkness borne cause i didnt hug when asked for... by then too drawn was i to the dark side so said vader deep vader of the booming voice i know i know of what he speaks poor children, young ones, none of us deserved this none had dreamed of this or that no none but truth, yes, truth?, it matters not cause time reels on and who are we to object to such roles as are suborned...

yes...the march goes on and what was good is now not nor ever will be so...darkness reigns here and is the only Believer for Faith has flown and innocence deserted where once She was so clean.

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